PERTH AUSTRALIA - 6 0 0 0 T I M E S

Perth CBD Waterfront Redevelopment - 10 Reasons I Don't Give a Shit, and Nor Should You

2012-01-17T15:07:00.010+08:00

The Perth CBD Waterfront Development. Hate it or hate it, it's coming. Maybe. Chalk-lines are on the ground. AM radio talk-back switchboards are running hot. It's time you, as a proud citizen of Perth, took a personal stand to not give a shit. Presenting : Perth Waterfront - 10 Reasons I Don't Give a Shit, and Nor Should You.

1. Subiaco, East Perth, Northbridge.

There is a long proud history of entirely destroying all elements of anything interesting during the process of Perth inner-city redevelopments. Not so long ago, people would flock from around the city to visit Subiaco, and not just for the football, or to pick up mutton. Subiaco was the home of two large and varied markets, side by side. A casual, even eclectic, eating, drinking, and dining environment. Nightclubs where stabbings were not a regular feature. Now, several hundred million dollars later, we have a soulless inner city suburb, stripped of the very character that made it a destination in the first place. Locals have moved on. Poorly designed overpriced apartments with zero redeeming architectural or eco qualities, food franchises, and streets paved with silence are now the defining elements of Subiaco.

The award winning Northbridge redevelopment is a small area of aesthetically terrible and cheaply constructed apartment complexes that are designed to turn-in on themselves and eschew the neighbourhood that surrounds them. Lets call it "Subiaco-lite", and just be happy that the redevelopment stopped where it did. The inner-city East Perth redevelopment has been superseded in scale by the Mandurah canal development. No, this is not a joke. However, the East Perth redevelopment, is.

Which brings us to the Waterfront. The same machinations that designed all previous Perth inner-city redevelopments will take another stab at the pale, ordinary, and dull, with the CBD Waterfront. It's a done deal. It's starting in April. It will be terrible. Just like every single other redevelopment in inner-city Perth. However, this one will be worse, as it is primarily a precinct directed at business and tourism. No, this time is not different.

2. You won't be able to live there. Ever.

1700 apartments, in total. The population growth of Perth in a two week period is approximately 2000 residents. These apartments will be expensive, and will be occupied by empty nesters, or just empty. Two weeks worth of population growth is accounted for. Mathematically, you have about a 0.001% chance of living at the Waterfront. Do the figures. It would be fair to say, if you are reading this article, you won't be living there. Ever. Despite international planners like Jan Gehl stating that the number one issue facing the Perth CBD is lack of residents, the local planners have decided that we can only make room at the Waterfront for 0.001% of the population. Message to Jan Gehl: don't bother coming back to Perth, unless there is a large pay-check involved. Nobody is listening, nobody cares, nobody gives a shit, and nor should you. PS, you're awesome, come back and slap the restraint and ordinariness out of the local planners.

3. Arts-and-Culture-Free-Zone.

So, you won't be able to live there. At least you will be able to visit the Waterfront, and immerse yourself in exciting and thought provoking arts and culture. At this point, in this article, there are two types of readers. The readers saying "yes, that will be nice", and the readers saying "lol" (or "meh"). This next part is directed at the readers saying "yes, that will be nice": Anything devoted towards arts and culture at the Waterfront will be almost totally devoid of Arts and Culture, at best. For evidence, look at the WA Museum. Stuffed animals, empty rooms, mechatronic Dinosaurs ex some third rate shopping mall in Singapore. I thought that a child-sized Eames chair would make a nice rest stop, last time I visited the "Museum", and then realised it was a the single focal point of some kind of contemporary/modernist "exhibition". The pile of asbestos laden rubble next door holds more attraction and culture, but that's just me, I presume. Has anyone visited the The Bell Tower lately, he asked knowingly. Not to mention, the painted steps in the "cultural center". I cringe each and every time I see those steps. Who thought, "fuck it, I'll just paint the steps". Really? Paint the steps? What the fuck were you thinking? Still, it's a nice match for the quality of exhibitions at the Art Gallery. No need for permanent Jackson Pollock representation at the Art Gallery, just check out the stained pastel carpet next time you're there. Close enough. List of great exhibitions at the Art Gallery over the last twenty years:

1. Peggy Guggenheim.

End of list.

No, this time it's not different. Arts and Culture will not be provided for in any meaningful way, at the Waterfront. A token, as yet unfunded, Indigenous Arts Center you say? Shut. Up.

4. No loud music. Quiet please!

Any loud music or loud events will have restrictions due to the 1700 residents having more than a fair say. Fair enough, they have invested a large sum of money for the water-views. It's only fair that 0.001% of the residents of Perth have an over-the-odds say about how much noise and activity the other 99.999% of the population engage in, within the CBD. For evidence on this one, stay tuned for my future list: "the top fifty bars/pubs/clubs that have been closed in Perth, primarily due to residents complaints". Go all in on this one, it's a lock.

5. It will be knocked down at some point.

In a city where the heritage listings process is confusingly ridiculous enough to heritage list grass, the thorn remains that nobody else in the government cares enough to follow the covenants of the heritage listing anyway. In Perth, you can knock down any building you like, and then pay the token fine. So, whether you like the plan for the Waterfront or not, local history shows that the best elements will be the first to be demolished to make way for a tilt-up concrete mixed use pharmacy development.

6. If you're Generation X, you don't really give a shit anyway, congratulations.

Been there, done that, preaching to the choir, no point in banging our collective heads against a brick wall, we're all dead in the end. Build it. Don't build it. We're indifferent, and don't really give a shit either way. Or not.

7. Darling Harbour Sydney, South Bank Melbourne, Viaduct Auckland.

Alex, I'll take "sterile and boring areas to avoid when you're visiting other cities for $400". There is a long standing tradition of antipodean inner-city Waterfront fuck-upery. North Haverbrook, Shelbyville, Springfield, Perth. If you have one, we want one, and we're prepared to pay for it. Blank chequebook. We want one of everything. One tunnel, one stadium, one freeway. One Waterfront. One World Government. One Army. One common currency. OK, that was the weed talking, but my point stands. Cairns gets Gucci and LV, we want Gucci and LV. Adelaide gets Zara, we want Zara. Canberra gets a new museum, we want a footy stadium and three hospitals. That last one didn't make sense. So what. Waterfront fuck-upery in Perth, is inevitable. It's our destiny. Get me Lyle Lanley, S.T.A.T. MONORAIL! MONORAIL! (cable car cable car?).

8. You won't visit there anyway.

There won't be a Harvey Norman, a Bunnings, nor a Lincraft. You can't watch the footy at the Waterfront. There probably won't be a drive-though Macca's. Neither Red Rooster or Chicken Treat have expressed an interest in opening. All of the essentials of Perth living are found right in your own home theatre. Shutup. Be quiet. Do not attempt to think, or depression may occur. Stay in your homes. Remain calm. The comfort that you demanded, is now mandatory. Be happy. The number one enemy of progress, is question. All sports broadcasts will proceed as normal.

9. Architecture. There won't be any.

You know it. Whatever gets built, most of the key sites will most likely be awarded to a single developer, as with with the Northbridge link. Meaning that financial conservatism will determine what gets built. It's a monopoly. There is no incentive to the developer to do anything other than make as much money as possible. What the fuck were people thinking, awarding the Northbridge Link to a single developer? Here's a list of band names, that may or may not have anything to do with planning in Perth: Corruption. The Greased Palms. The Kick-Backs. That Idiot Can Be Bought. Knock It Down And Pay The Fine. I think I'll stop there, lest some bullshit rebuttal gets published in Inside Cover. "the number of small bars denied in the last three years = zero". Line of the year. Hey clown, news flash, I got the info from YOUR website. RGL.WA.GOV.AU. Click on "Directors Decisions". It's all there. DENIED. In any case, Corruption is a great name for a Hard-Core band, and I'm sure it's been taken. Ipso Facto, there is little hope for any decent Architecture. If a single developer gets awarded most of the site, there is zero hope. No, that single developer will not be an international rock-star of architecture.

10. On a long enough time-line, the survival rate for everybody is zero.

On one side if this debate are the NIMBY's. It really wouldn't matter what was proposed, these people would be OUTRAGED. There's hospitals to be built, laws to be enacted to protect us, silence to be enforced. On the other side of the debate, there are a whole bunch of people essentially thinking : "just build the fucker, it's better than what's there now". Those people are correct. It will probably be better than a patch of grass. Logically, it should therefore go ahead, no matter what the outcome. In the future, after the Waterfront has been built, NIMBY's will just move on to trying to block the next non-hospital project higher than two storeys. The grandstanding ego-centric personalities that are using the Waterfront for their own media attention and personal gain will also move on to another cause. Neither group really, honestly, gives a shit about this city. Each side has an agenda, and the one thing both sides have in common is an acceptance of mediocrity. After decades of absolute garbage planning in Perth, slowly but surely, the balance of the Zeitgeist will be tipped into the "I don't give a shit" camp. Perth will get the Waterfront it deserves.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR/DISCLAIMER:

I don't work in planning, architecture, or any field that would be affected by this development. I don't want to open a small bar. I don't affiliate with any particular political party. I have no connections in any way related to this development. I am not a member of any group pertaining to this development, or any other development project in Perth. I 100% agree with the people who say "just build the fucker". I firmly believe in the power of the Internet to spread ideas. This is just my opinion. No facts are not not contained in this article. I enjoy living in Perth. I'm an optimist. I love cops. And I know that this time, it's not different.

Facebook, Twitter, Forums, re-posting, sharing, encouraged.

PS, Some may say "if you don't give a shit, why did you write an article about it?" To those people, I say you would be astounded at the rate at which I can think, and type. And, that you have missed the point. Some may say "what are your ideas then?". To them I say, "xxxxxxxxxx xx xxxx xxx x xxxx xxxxx".

Perth : Graffiti, Modernist Architecture, Abandoned Buildings

2011-08-16T22:48:00.000+08:00

Graffiti, Modernist Architecture, Abandoned Building. Brisbane Street, Perth. This is the first photo in an untitled series of photos taken around the scenic Northbridge area of Perth, Western Australia. Volume one, of at least a guaranteed two parts. Then, well, lets just take it one step at a time. Cola, I thank you on behalf of the city of Perth. Enjoy.

Perth : Small Bars Approved in 2011 = GTFO

2011-07-19T21:47:00.012+08:00

"There hasn't been a single small bar license approved for the Perth CBD or Northbridge area in 2011."

When the Western Australian liquor laws were modified in 2007, to enable budding entrepreneurs an easier path to opening a "small bar", I didn't expect the reality of the 2011 outcome. What was promised was the potential for a landscape of smaller premises, with lower capacities, sharing the growing number of patrons that were beginning to choke the often problematic large capacity beer-barns that Perth has known for decades. There was even an advertising campaign. I'm pretty sure it mentioned Melbourne. The gist was that lane-ways would be "activated", and a number of "funky" small bars would be allowed to open, finally giving Perth residents a genuine choice of where to meet for a "sophisticated" experience with quality wines, spirits, beers, and food options. Did you fall for it? Call me an optimist, a glass half full kind of guy, but I fell for the promises hook, line, and sinker.

Clearly the plan has failed. Even with such high profile proponents of the idea, including Lord Mayor Lisa "vibrant" Scaffidi, the applications are just not being approved. There are a multitude of unrealistically high hurdles for applicants to overcome, including local councils, neighbour complaints, vested interests, police, and the terrible reality that getting a liquor license approved remains a costly bureaucratic process where you only get one shot to get it across the line. If you're denied, don't come back. Western Australia, always a land of extremes, has now moved decisively towards the prohibition end of the alcohol availability spectrum. There hasn't been a single small bar license approved for the Perth CBD or Northbridge area in 2011, and there has, remarkably, been rumblings of decreasing in the number of existing licensed premises.

Ironically, there has been two large Tavern licenses approved for the CBD this year. This is utterly in conflict with the entire small bar concept, where smaller, more intimate locations were deemed to be a better solution for the "public interest", when larger capacity taverns were not. The sheer numbers of patrons that will be required for the new Taverns to be financially viable, is the complete opposite of the small bar ethos. A small bar is, by its very nature, an altogether more friendly and personal experience. By many measures, and based upon conversations I have had with various small bar applicants, it appears that getting a small bar license is more difficult now than it was before the 2007 liquor reforms.

Competition reduces prices, or so my economics teacher told me. Perth faces some of the most expensive food and beverage prices, on earth. It is clear that despite factors such as high wages and low unemployment, Perth punters are paying handsomely for the lack of competition in the food and beverage arena. Restrictions on opening hours, whether you can stand whilst drinking, lack of amplified music, no "happy hours" or discounts, and other non-sensical state-initiatives mean that we really are not getting either the value, nor the experiences that residents in other cities take for granted. Of course there are exceptions, there are multiple venues in Perth that offer reasonable value in an interesting environment, but a bit of competition to keep them on their toes wouldn't hurt, would it?

This war on alcohol needs to stop. Now. It's been ineffectual. It's ridiculous, and outdated. Prohibition has been tried, a long time ago, and it doesn't work. With a smaller number of bars and pubs servicing the Perth population, than in decades gone by, have alcohol related incidents reduced? Do people feel safer in Perth, now there are less pubs to go around? The hypocrisy of the law makers and government is palpable. There will be a large number of people who disagree with my viewpoint, people that would prefer that most pubs and bars close down. I would hazard a guess and say that these people live in the vicinity of a pub, or have been personally negatively affected by alcohol, or are just generic nimbys. Guess what? My grandfather died early as a result of alcohol abuse. I live within 100 meters of a license premises. I have had people pissing in my front yard, threatening to shit on my hedge, and asking permission (how courteous!) to snort lines in my foyer, before returning to the venue. So, I have been personally affected by alcohol as well.

However, this isn't about me, or for that matter, about you. It's about living in a city where the majority suffer due to the actions of the minority. Yes, I'm sick to fuck about it. Yes, there are bigger issues to be wasting my time writing about. However, given the feedback I had on the last post I made regarding small bar licenses in Perth, I thought a follow-up would be a good idea. People in Perth like to drink. Not all people in Perth want to drink in a huge tavern. Would just a few more small bar approvals be the downfall of society as we know it?

Is there something I am missing?

I would appreciate, that if you agree with the sentiment of this post, to spread the word, and positively contribute in any way you can to the comments.

Let's not just roll-over and accept this as a given.

Perth : Perth Entertainment Centre - Abandoned Stadium

2011-05-11T00:06:00.014+08:00

I don't know how he did it. I'm telling you, that was the best rice I have ever eaten. There's a whole other side to the dish, sure. Fuck that was some tasty rice. Semi-transparent, glistening, aldente, and with chicken as well, I put it up there as probably the best meal I have ever eaten. Three bucks. Airfare to Singapore is under four hundred, if you plan ahead. Four hundred and three dollars, for the best meal of my life? I'd pay that tomorrow. But, this is more a Bangkok story. Singapore, has it's charms. Like a nerd cousin. I don't mind nerds. Some nerds. A few nerds. Anyway, that's Singapore. Bang-kok. Bangkok is like the cousin you wanted to visit when you were a kid. The one that lived near a space invader cocktail machine, at the squash courts down the road. There was going to be a point here, something about abandoned stadiums. Perth Entertainment Centre? Abandoned? Three hours in the P-E-C, and memories come flooding back. Gigs, movies, ALVA skate team, b-ball, circus, beer. I'm still giddy. This adventure, well it felt like a swan song. The photo's, a last waltz. Perth's greatest ever abandoned building, is moments from it's final lament. For just a few hours, the amazing Perth Entertainment Centre gave me one last magnificent performance. Truly, a Perth icon that will never be forgotten.

Bonus number of photos this time, let the memories roll. 36 shots, old school. Someone put this on Facebook for me. Click "Read more »" to see the photos, and if you click on a photo, a big version appears. Enjoy.

Perth : So You Want to Open a Bar? LOL!

2011-02-16T01:02:00.013+08:00

"Yes, people might get drunk. That's what people do at bars."

With Perth's population growing at approximately 100 people EVERY DAY, you would think it would be in the public interest to open a few more bars here and there. In Perth, the reality is, your chances of opening a new small bar or tavern are very, very slim. Sit down, pour a drink, settle in. Have you checked the rather sobering liquor licensing decisions made over the last few months? Here's a summary: DENIED. Essentially, every liquor license application hinges on this: "if the application is granted, harm or ill-health might be caused to people or any group of people due to the use of liquor". Yes, people might get drunk. That's what people do at bars. I swear I'm living in Bizarro World. Anyway, on top of that, if your application is denied (it will be), you probably won't be able to re-apply for three years. Meaning, you only have one shot at getting it right. Between September 2008 and November 2010, the applications for twenty-two new small bars were denied. However, in December, 2010, things took a very drastic turn for the worse. Read on, to see how some of Perth's most respected restauranteurs, hoteliers, and entrepreneurs have been denied their one shot.

Nic Trimboli is a mainstay in the Perth restaurant scene. Balthazar, Il Lido, Duende. 25 years in the game. Not to mention, a director of Little Creatures. Nic spent a big chunk of change (perhaps six figures) developing the concept for "The Latin", to be housed diagonally opposite the Brass Monkey Hotel, William Street. The EPRA rennovated property would be used as a restaurant, a bakery, a provedore/fromagerie (that's a specialist cheese shop to you and me), I was told a Brazilian BBQ out the back, and, unfortunately for Nic Tromboli, a bar. Planning to close at midnight each day, Nic's application included self imposed decisions to "lockout" at 11.15, not sell shooters, and not sell beer on tap. Although any real bar will supply beer on tap, Nic obliviously had a whiff of how difficult it is, to get a license in this town. "Yes, you can buy beer in THAT glass, but not in THAT glass". You can have a "small glass of liquor" but NOT a "shooter". This is where it gets very, very, fucked.

Probably Barry Sargeant's Cat

In the heart of the entertainment district, on the corner of James and William Streets, Northbridge, Mr Barry Sargeant ruled against the application, questioning "whether there was a public need for the business". Seem's it was all Nic Tromboli's mistake - he needed to provide evidence to prove that the public had a need, in Northbridge, at a restaurant, to drink. What. The. Fuck.

I know what some of you are thinking "you're exaggerating, there must be more to it than that". No, there isn't. The assumption is, that nobody in Northbridge wants to buy alcohol. Or, word for word, from the application on the Department of Liquor Licensing and Gaming website:

"The Commissioner of Police noted that “the applicant has provided no supportive evidence that any person working near the proposed premise or any other member of the public patronising the vicinity of the proposed premise has any requirement to purchase liquor or that any persons would find it convenient to purchase liquor from the proposed premise."

He added a little insult to that injury:

"If the particular application was granted ill-health may be caused to people or any
group of people due to the use of liquor, and therefore contrary to the public interest”

I could probably finish this article at that. It's game over man, game over. But really, I want to fucking ram it home how ridiculous and out of touch with any semblance to reality the Department of Liquor Licensing and Gaming is.

Alluvion is a new building located in the Perth CBD. Lidia and Christian Tinelli decided that a good idea would be to open a "Champagne Bar". Really, the type of bar that on a Friday night would be chock-full of douches-in-suits, Platinum Amex cards ready, hoping to ply Cynthia from marketing, or maybe that hot new receptionist, full of bubbly in a vain attempt to get a knob polishing to brag about with Rob and Steve at the water cooler on Monday (but more likely, on Facebook). Target demographic - rich dickheads. Seriously, just reading the concept made me want to vomit. However, the important part of this application is that, by any standard of reason, the applicants actually proved that there is a need for this type of establishment.

Local businesses in the building rallied behind the proprietors-to-be. When asked for support, so that the application would meet the stringent requirements of PROVING THAT AUSTRALIAN'S WANT TO DRINK ALCOHOL, the Communications Co-Ordinator from Clough Engineering stated:

"Regarding the letter of support/endorsement for the liquor license....When do you need the letter by and what would you like it to cover? I’ll do my best to get this sorted for you."

The Director of The Buchan Group stated:

“We are aware of the Alluvion Cafe and Bar proposal, and would patronise this establishment if it was licensed, as it meets our requirements for a boutique venue within a sophisticated urbane environment.”

The Principal, of the ICU Finance Group stated:

“I am involved in finance and have numerous meetings weekly in the city with clients & lenders alike and speaking from experience I would be putting their Café/Bar at the top of my list as a meeting place for business.”

On the 16th of September, 2010, a letter of support for the application was received from LISA SCAFFIDI, THE LORD MAYOR OF THIS FUCKING CITY.

Result? Well, as the Commissioner of Police so eloquently put it:

"If the particular application was granted ill-health may be caused to people or any group of people due to the use of liquor, and therefore contrary to the public interest.”

DENIED.

It's not all bad news. The Heath Ledger State Theatre, eventually, had their license approved, with "conditions". However, the Commissioner of Police wanted this one denied as well. His reasoning (seems to be a recurring theme of idiocy going on here):

"If the particular application was granted harm or ill-health may be caused to people or any group of people due to the use of liquor, and therefore contrary to the public interest."

Want to buy a cocktail, any cocktail, at all, or maybe a double shot, of anything, at all, at Tiger Lil's bar on Murray Street, Perth? Quite difficult. Meaning, in fact, pretty fucking impossible, when one of the conditions of Tiger Lil's keeping their liquor license is:

"No spirits are to be sold or supplied for consumption on the premises in any non standard measure (i.e. no more than 30ml of spirits is permitted in any vessel)"

Yes, it's totally fucking moronic.

There are some amazing other "conditions" being put on bars. Including, but certainly not limited to, the "Cheeky Sparrow" in Claremont - which, fuck knows how, actually got a license approved very recently. As long as they don't use the following "emotive" words when describing their wares:

Laybacks
Shots
Shooters
Test Tubes
Jelly Shots
Blasters
Bombs
Chuzwazzas
Dick Towels

Ok, I made the last two up. But all the rest (and more) are quoted straight from the "conditional" license approval document. Oh, also, The Cheeky Sparrow must provide "casual seating in the form of ottomans, lounges and chairs" and, they MUST NOT be "removing or rearranging this seating in order to create dance floors." Uh huh. If there is no Ottoman present, the license will be removed. One last thing, The Cheeky Sparrow must have any music or entertainment "at a level sufficient to allow normal conversation to occur". A breach of any of these conditions (there are a stack more, including "Gourmet" pizzas being available between 12 mid-day and 10pm) will put them in breach of the license conditions. Let's see how this stacks up. The Cheeky Sparrow could lose their (rare) license to sell alcohol if:

Its 9.55PM and all they have left are Pepperoni or Hawaiian pizza's
Patrons have moved chairs, leaving a large space sufficient for dancing
No Ottoman style chairs are present
Somebody turned up the music

One more list. Reasons provided by The Commissioner, as to why various licenses should not be approved:

“It is not difficult to conceive of circumstances in which licensed premises, no matter how conducted, will negatively impact on the amenity of the area”
"licensed premises inherently give rise to anti-social behaviour and that no degree of management can effectively control this behaviour after a patron has left the venue"
"even if the proposed licensee complied with the Act and ceased to serve patrons and removed them from the premises, the patrons would then end up on the street along with patrons from other premises resulting in alcohol affected patrons impacting upon the amenity of the area."
"Information from intelligence holdings shows that between 1 July 2010 and 30 September 2010, Police had to attend numerous incidents in the CBD area."

That last one was a reason provided as to why a bar should not be approved in the Perth CBD. Because Police had to attend to "incidents" somewhere in the CBD during a three month period last year, an application for a new bar should be DENIED. Note, the Police did not describe any of these incidents, nor did they state whether they were even alcohol related incidents.

Once again, time to draw your own conclusions. Comment away.

Perth : McShit

2011-02-08T23:50:00.014+08:00

"The population density for JUST the CBD/central city area of Perth... is lower than that of the entire metropolitan suburban area of Los Angeles, California."

What follows is an "only in Perth" story of ineptitude and face-palmery. First, the background story. On the corner of Beaufort Street and Parry Street's in Perth City, lies a vacant block. It's been vacant for many years. Without doubt, it is one of the prime CBD fringe blocks. Walking distance to pretty much every amenity, it would be, without exaggeration, one of the most convenient places on earth to live. Free transport to your door. Supermarket across the road. (Coles, as featured in the very first post ever made here). The Weld Square park is across the road. Heart of Northbridge, a two minute walk. CBD, four minute walk. TAFE, Art Gallery, State Library, Museum, and the Good Fortune Roast Duck House, all nearby. Multi-storey residential developments popping up all around this block. Really, it's close to faultless. So what happened?

As Jan Gehl, the respected urban design consultant from Copenhagen pointed out to the Perth City Council, one of the critical issues that Perth needs to sort out is it's lack of CBD/inner city population density. The population density for JUST the "built up" central CBD/City area of Perth (8 square kilometers), as at the 2006 census, was lower than the entire metropolitan area of Los Angeles, California (1,290 square kilometers). What? Are you shitting me, I hear you say. Yes, the entire Los Angeles metro area, the poster child city for urban sprawl, has a population density of 3,168 people for every one of it's 1,290 square kilometers. Perth City itself, had less than 800 residents per square kilometer as at the last census (2006). It will have improved since 2006, but will still be much lower than the smoggy suburban sprawl that is Los Angeles. The Perth suburban metro area statistics show only about 300 people per square kilometer.

You would expect, when presented with an application for a 24 hour drive thru McDonalds, on a prime inner city block, the Town of Vincent would put together a 168 page document in a non-timely fashion that essentially said to McDonalds - get the fuck out of here. You would be right. Of course, Mayor McCatania originally supported this plan, it should be noted. A block like this should be developed at least four storeys high and should have at least a hundred residents (conservatively), just to even match the Los Angeles sprawl. Town of Vincent proclaimed the McDonalds application, amongst other things, an "under-development" of the site, denying the fast-food monolith. Right they were. Single-level fast food drive-through on the CBD fringe? Doesn't happen anywhere on Earth in 2011. At this point, the application was rejected by the Town of Vincent.

McDonalds then decided, fuck that, we're appealing this decision. Afterall, there are McHappy Meals and childrens toys at stake here. At the Western Australian State Administrative Tribunal, the appeal was upheld. In summary, the judgement proclaimed (paraphrased): "There is nothing in the law stating that a prime inner-city site in a city where the sprawl is out of control leaving the CBD like a fucking ghost town cannot be used for a single level Maccas Drive Through with a car park. Not only can I get wasted at Barry's house in Northbridge, I will be able to get some munchies on my way back to Mount Lawley without ever leaving my new 7-Series cock-mobile. McDonalds, fucking go for it!".

So, in summary, yes, you will soon to be able to buy a Big Mac on your way out of the city. Other conclusions could also be made, mostly negative. Don't get me wrong, this decision, when taken in isolation, is not the end of the world. It is however, a clear bellwether for likely future decisions, and another example of the face palm nature of living in Perth. Unfortunately, nobody with any influence in Perth is brave enough to tackle the population density issue seriously.

Oh yeah, that whole thing about running for Council? Fuck that! Thanks for offers from the media and from previous campaign managers, but seriously, I'd rather have a bunch of monkeys rip my head off and shit on my brain than be a Perth City Councillor.

Comment away....

(no, I am not anti-McDonalds)

Perth : Yet Another Abandoned Old Peoples Joint / Running for Council

2010-12-02T23:58:00.005+08:00

Speaking of abandoned old people's homes, I'm seriously contemplating running for Council. Perth City Council, councillor. PCC. I mean, fucking come on, two of the current councillors are Real Estate agents. I've dealt with one of the other councillors before. The conversation went "Mr Councillor, I have noticed a lack of motorcycle car bays in the city. Perhaps, in the spirit of helping to keep the city free of cars and the associated congestion and pollution, and to assist the PCC in its directive of making the CBD a more pedestrian friendly area, you would consider putting in a few more motorcycle/scooter bays?" Mr Councillor : "fuck you". There's a couple of other old, old, old councillors. Combined age, about a million. Too old. Time to move on, GPBB's (Grand Parents of Baby Boomers). There's an Asian councillor chick, and a young-ish [Glen Quagmire] all-riiiight [/ Glenn Quagmire] whitey lady that claimed $594 for hair expenses, in a single month. Fair enough. Those two birds should probably be runnin' tings. But of course, when I get there, with the help of my cronies, we run ting's, tings nuh run we...

Anyway, it's pretty simple. I need about 2,500 votes to get into office. I can count on the Asian's, I got mad yellow fever. Hipsters are down. Gay's got my back. Homeless people, they're in. Artists, inner city DINK's, skateboarders, people who want more small bars, more art, less regulations, zero council fees, free money for everyone, subsidised Hainanese Chicken Rice, free Dim Sum once a month, no helmets required for bicycle riders, Korean Taco trucks, Mos Burger, and at least one Timezone video games arcade, required, by law, in each mall. Unpainted concrete brutalist buildings will be encouraged. Statue of Iwan Iwanoff. Light rail free transport system. Free beer. Free, as in "free beer". An appropriate Perth City Council mascot will be created, probably a rat or penguin. Christmas pagent, gone. City to Surf, gone. 2,500 votes to change this city, forever.

Can you count, suckers? I say the future of Perth City Council is ours, if you can count. We'll have the Saracens sitting next to the Jones Street Boys. We'll have the Moon Runners, right by the Van Courtland Rangers. Nobody will be wasting nobody. That...is a miracle. And miracles is the way things ought to be. Can you dig it? Can. You. Dig. It? CAN. YOU. DIG. IT.

In the meantime, please enjoy photos of yet another of Perth's abandoned old age homes/hospitals.

..and follow the twitter, I want a thousand followers by tomorrow. Current total, 32.

Perth : Abandoned Toy Factory, O'Connor. AKA, Detroit.

2010-11-10T22:20:00.007+08:00

Abandoned Toy Factory, Detroit, AKA O'Connor, Perth, Western Australia. Detroit is a shrinking city. In the few decades that Perth, Western Australia has gained a million residents, Detroit, Michigan, has lost a million. Mostly whiteys. Mostly. Look, I could totally check that, and prove it as fact. Right in front of me, I have the "Atlas of Shrinking Cities". Picked it up at the Bahaus bookshop this year. That's in Germany. Dessau, Germany. Atlas der schrumpfenden Städte. A's with dots, you can't make that shit up. 2006, Phillipp Oswalt und Tim Reieniets. Henning Schirmel, you know it. So, I just checked, Detroit 1950, 1,849,568 heads. Perth 1950, 312 thousand. Who gives a fuck. There's no point. This is O'Connor, not Detroit. But, for a few hours last month, it was Detroit. Here's an abandoned Wooden Toy Factory, and some other shots of O'Connor, one of Perth's most serene and beautiful locales. If Bali was our 911, O'Connor is, our Detroit.

I visited this abandoned factory last month. This month, the entire complex was demolished. RIP, Kanga Wooden Toy Factory. Also, are you on twitter? Follow me. Button is over on the right. 140 characters, or less. Bobby Hundreds, I'm talking to you.

Perth, Australia : Best House in the Universe as We Know It

2010-09-15T23:15:00.002+08:00

Man. Where to start. Last blog post, I was forty stories up, in an abandoned skyscraper, looking down on a peoples takeover of Bangkok. Rocket launchers, tanks, death, destruction, and Pad Thai with spicy Papaya Salad. Yes, it was heaven. Unfortunately, as with all anarchic movements, eventually, they are beaten into submission by the man. So, I packed up, said goodbye to my new friend Sui Min, and left the land of smiles. This year, so far, I have visited more than twenty countries. Deep in the heart of Bulgaria, I couldn't but think of my favourite architect, Iwan Iwanoff. For those of you who need to get up to speed, Iwan Iwanoff, born in Bulgaria, built some of the best houses on earth, right here in Perth, between the 50's and 70's. Unique, ahead of their time, mesmerising, both timeless and un-date-able. First thing I wanted to do on my return to Perth was further research into this Honorary Herculoidian's body of work.

The Schmidt-Lademann House, in Floreat, is quite simply one of the best houses I have ever laid my eyes upon. Built in 1959, this is, as my architect associates would say "fuck off awesome". What can I tell you about? The elegant formalism, the modernist function, or the usonion simplicity and economy of locally sourced stone walls? Fuck it, I would rather just put it out there - this is Perth's best house. I haven't even seen the interior. I'm pretty sure if I did, I would simultaneously weep, quiver, and shit my pants. Perth's best house. Not to mention, it has held this title for over four decades. The Aldrich residence, currently under construction, will be the next contender for the title. More on this unbelievably complex project, another day.

Below the Schmidt-Lademannt pics, are photos of some other Iwanoff's not previously featured on 6000times. The brutal letterbox and wall detail were taken at the Feldman House, 1969, Dianella. Finally, the Frank House, also of 1969, Coolbinia wraps up a long overdue Iwanoff update. My thanks goes to the neighbour, who gave me a tour around the Frank property. The Frank House elevation is clearly not as impressive as Schmidt-Lademann, however, a quick walk around demonstrated the genius of Iwanoff. Features such as central courtyard walled on three sides, and wooden louvres providing airflow built into many of the windows, quickly dispelled any doubts that this house is indeed special.

So, yep, back in Perth. There are a few things planned for this blog, all of which involve architecture, abandoned structures, art, and often, asians. A.A.A.A. Stay tuned, subscribe, bookmark. It's good to be back. Click Read More to see the photos. Enjoy.

Bangkok, Thailand : Abandoned Skyscraper - Sathorn Unique Aint Worth Shit Yo

2010-04-24T22:07:00.002+08:00

Abandoned skyscraper, Bangkok, Thailand. Fifty levels, of abandonded skyscraper. Wood flooring installed, bathroom suites connected, wiring, plumbing, fire safety systems, all done. Prime realestate on the river-bank downtown, with spectacular views. The "Sathorn Unique" was to be one of Bangkok's most exclusive residential developments. Like many other sites, constuction was abandoned during the asian financial crisis of the late 90's. As with food, Asian's do financial crisis's way better than us whiteys. How many skyscrapers were abandoned during the recent GFC? None. Think about it. Standing on a fifity level, almost completed skyscaper, some Thai guy says "fuck it man, lets just go eat some fried chicken. Yo! Kasit, Suthep, Sui Min...drop your helmets bitches! We're gettin' the fuck out of here! This building aint worth shit yo".

Bangkok, Thailand : Abandoned Skyscraper Complex, Lieutenant Snake Plissken, Special Forces Unit

2010-04-13T23:05:00.008+08:00

Bangkok, Thailand. Three towers, each almost forty stories high. One huge abandoned skyscraper development. Next door, another tower, another thirty or so levels of abandoned skyscraper. Down the street, another skyscraper appears to be, well, abandoned. No security present. Not even a fence. Just walk right in. There were roaming packs of wild dogs on levels 6, 7, and 8. Nothing a big stick couldn't take care of. This is Terminator and Escape from New York rolled into one. Pig, meet shit.

I'm on holiday in Bangkok. Although many tourists hit Bangkok for one reason (clue: Ping Pong balls), there is another reason to visit the capital city of the "Land of Smiles". Abandoned skyscapers. The most awesome combination of words possible. Abandoned. Skyscapers. Fuck that feels good just typing it. My real camera was left back at the hotel. Fortunately, I am travelling with my girl, and she had a camera. Once we reached level eight, the conversation broke down. "Hey babe, just stand over there and shout out if you see any wild dogs, they seem to be following us...OK, thanks babe"... "Thats it, I'm getting the fuck out of here".

So, I carried on, alone. I was Snake Plisken. S.D. Plissken. American Lieutenant. Special Forces Unit, Black Flight. Two Purple Hearts, Leningrad and Siberia. Youngest man to be decorated by the President. Robbed the federal reserve depository. Life sentence, New York Maximum Security Penitentiary. Call me Snake.

Hey! You don't want to walk around down there, Snake!

What you doing in here with a gun, Snake?

Snaaaaaake Plissken. I've heard of you. I heard you were dead.

Wow, Snake Plissken! Alllll right!

You... You are... the Duke of Bang... Bangkok... You're... A-Number-One. I can't hear you!YOU ARE... THE DUKE OF BANGKOK... YOU'RE A-NUMBER-ONE!

Perth : West Perth Abandoned Mechanics Workshop, Straight from Kuala Lumpur

2010-03-28T16:40:00.009+08:00

More of Perth's abandoned buildings, this time in the shit-eating corporate wanker district of West Perth. Once an art-deco era mechanics workshop, the complex now lays abandoned. Much like a klang valley hooker, the interior space sports a great, if messy, interior makeover. Ironically, this post comes to you from Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. All the photos here are taken with an old-school film camera. The roll of film had a use-by-date of 1987, I shot the photos about 4 weeks ago, and the film was just processed here, today, in Kuala Lumpur. Whitey ratio, off the scale. Yellow fever, setting in nicely.

Chicken rice, roti babi, curry laksa, pan mee, pork chops, damn the food is great here. I'm getting plum sauce with my duck rice, out the yin yang. Three announcements - first, 6000 times is a year old. Second, this is the only post so far that has been 100% film. Third, this might be the last post for a while, I got nothin' left, and will be travelling for another few months before returning to live and work in the 6000. An exception to that rule will be if my childhood dream of visiting Chernobyl comes to pass, in which case, assuming I survive the radiation, expect photos. If you are bored shitless, and want to waste some time, check out my travel blog www.noplanes.com. I recommend this post, if you want to see how lucky we are in Perth. Enjoy.

Finally, I would like to let the graffiti writers of Perth know how much I appreciate their hard work. Thank you, and keep it up.

Perth: William Street Revival - EPRA - Northbridge Link - Abandoned Perth

2010-03-07T14:35:00.007+08:00

EPRA, congratulations, you get Northbridge. No franchises for William Street. Although my predictions about the Death of Northbridge by 2015 are looking a bit shakey, I stand by my 2025 prediction of a Terminator scenario, and my 2035 prediction, that being the year humans realise they have been living in the Matrix for at least the last thousand years. Yes, from now on, I will refer to EPRA as Duke, the King of Perth, A-Number-One. SAY IT! EPRA YOU'RE THE DUKE OF PERTH A-NUMBER ONE!

The future mix of tenants on the "new" William Street is looking pretty special. The renovated spaces will be taken up by a gallery, a burger bar, a tapas bar, a small bar, a coffee bar, a few fashion related retail outlets, a vinyl music specialist, a bakery, and more, to mix in with the existing tenants such as the chinese newsagent, a travel agency, and of course, originators The Butcher Shop. Nicely neighborhoody. The very first post I ever wrote on this blog was entitled "William Street, Perth's Best Street". That was in April last year. At that time, I had no idea how things would evolve, nor how fast.

So, I would like to thank all of my readers, especially the Asians, skateboarders, graffiti artists, and architects. I will be temporarily leaving Perth, and on a good note. The CBD and Northbridge is changing faster than ever. A few final points, a wish list if you will, as this will be the last post for a few months.

1. Legalise street drinking in Northbridge.
2. Northbridge Link needs to house at least 20,000 people, not the proposed 3,000.
3. I WILL GET PHOTOS INSIDE THE ABANDONED PERTH ENTERTAINMENT CENTER, TRUST ME.
4. Thats all.

Adios, catch ya later, thanks again. Until we meet again, fight the good fight. Oh yeah, I took some film shots of a great abandoned building in West Perth, if I can get them developed/scanned this week, I'll throw them up here. Below, this is Perth as it is now, in March 2010. Take care. Nate.

Abandoned Junky Den of Death - Perth, 6000, Western Australia

2010-02-08T22:52:00.002+08:00

Conveniently located right in the middle of the Perth 6000 postcode, lies another abandoned warehouse. Situated close to public transport, parks, and the Northbridge entertainment precinct, it features vaulted exposed-beam ceilings, and open plan design. Currently utilised as a training ground for drug abuse, homeless living, and of course, interior decoration, art, and design, internally it does look amazing. You can't buy interior decoration like this. This is patina. You can't buy patina. You can't fake patina. You know why? Because you can't buy time. Nobody can. For sale now, I'm fairly certain realestate.com.au won't be showing you photos like these. Please enjoy a photo tour of another of Perth City's abandoned buildings.

Abandoned Stadium - Perry Lakes Stadium, Perth

2010-01-28T22:42:00.005+08:00

Abandoned Stadium. Perry Lakes, Perth, Western Australia. Built 1962 for the Commonwealth Games. Abandoned, and very soon to be demolished. The entire stadium with all buildings may have disappeared by the time you read this, replaced with what seems to be a more suburban version of the redeveloped Subiaco. Wassup town planners? Its practically the future already! 20,000 residents with a gondola shuttle service? Its 2010 RIGHT NOW. DO YOU REALISE, IN BACK TO THE FUTURE II, the "FUTURE" WAS 2015! Think about that. Five years to go, and its the future...

Please enjoy a photo tour of the main grandstand building, track, electronic score board, and surrounds, of abandoned Perry Lakes Stadium.

Restaurant Review : Good Fortune Roast Duck House, Northbridge. Plus, Abandoned Sail Factory Photo Tour

2010-01-22T00:12:00.011+08:00

Good Fortune Roast Duck restaurant, William Street, Northbridge. An institution. However, during a recent visit, something terrible happened to me. I feel so dirty. So ashamed. So... so... white. I ordered the boneless roast duck with noodles, and an extra serving of choy sum. Its a great lunch time treat. Always delivered to the table quickly. This time, something was wrong. Very wrong. Trinny and Susannah wrong. Although I am finding it difficult just remembering the experience, I have to write it down here, you know, to let it out, and move on with my life. Yes, I got the dreaded - Guilo Special. AKA the whitey deluxe. No duck sauce. No plum sauce. Am I really, just another Guilo?

I waited for the waitress to walk by, and called "Excuse me?". "Yes, is something wrong?", she asked me knowingly. "Umm, can I have the... the...sauces?". My face must have shown the embarrasment, as she (lets call her Chun Li) hurried to get the sauces. Before Chun Li even got back to the table, I knew something was amiss. Chun Li was only carrying one sauce container, just a small Chinese bowl. The single bowl was placed onto the middle of the table. Me - "ummmmm..... excuse me...", Chun Li - "yes, what is it?". "ummm....and the...the ummm....and the plum sauce as well?. Now, I was getting very, very upset.

Why me? What have I done to Asians, to deserve the Guilo Special? I began to question life itself. Chun Li returned to the table. "Um, just so you know next time you must order a small serving of kail lan or choy sum or some other vegatable not just pay one dollar extra vegetable". "WHAT?"... "Ok this time next time no extra vegatable one dollar must order small serve of vegatable". With that, Chun Li returned to the safety of the front counter.

I was devastated. I was confused. I couldn't think clearly. "Chun Li!" I called her back. "Yes?". "umm, Chun Li, I have been coming to Good Fortune for long time. Are you saying that I can't pay for extra vegetables anymore?". "Yes". The bargaining continued. "Look, I don't really need a whole extra plate of Chinese vegatables, just an extra bit of.." ..."No!"

Really, I still don't understand what happened. One minute, I'm a local writer, introducing whiteys the world over to the delights of Dim Sum. I have done my bit for cross-cultural relations, explaining the concepts of "Yellow Fever", and even the "Whitey Ratio". The next minute, and its NO FUCKING SAUCES FOR YOU.

So, what do I do? Recommend this place?. Hell yes! The best duck this side of Tsim Sha Tsui. Decor : attrocious. Not even clean. The greasiest floors in Perth, you actually can slide all the way to the toilets out back. Service : depends if you are Asian. As I am currently re-evaluating my place in the world, I am seemingly not qualified to comment (see what you've done, Chun Li?) Whitey Ratio: great. Food : succulent, boneless, duck. To be honest, they could double the price of the boneless duck, and I would still be a regular. Double the price. Triple it. I dare you.

Overall : 10/10 - a must visit. Go down, order a half boneless duck, some rice, and some Chinese veges in oyster sauce (small size). It's one of the best meals you can have in Perth. Make sure you get both sauces. Let me know if you get the sauce-less Guilo Special.

Old Swanbourne Hospital - Abandoned Mental Crazy People's Hospital : Photo Tour

2010-01-10T22:01:00.009+08:00

Swanbourne Abandoned Hospital, 1904. Formerly, Claremont Mental Hospital. Since 1987, abandoned. This is an amazing collection of buildings, another vivid example of Perth's urban decay. Montgomery Hall is the most impressive structure of the group, a classically proportioned space, akin to the internal courtyard at the abandoned Treasury Building on St Georges Terrace. But this abandoned building, is hidden in the burbs. Heavy ceiling detailing is balanced perfectly with high windows on the east and west sides of the hall, natural light bathing the interior. After the Menora based abandoned Jewish Hospital (Oy Vey!) featured here, I was surprised to find Perth had another abandoned hospital. Read on, for a photo-tour of one of Perth's little known heritage gems.

Northbridge : Is Perth's Best Suburb Dead Already?

2010-01-07T14:21:00.012+08:00

Say goodbye to Northbridge. Well, the Northbridge as you know it. If you think Northbridge is scary in 2010 (it isn't), fast forward to 2015, just five years from now. There are now plenty of new restaurants - The Sizzler has opened up in the disused DV8 nightclub, the Krispy Kreme Mega-plex is finally up and running. Wok-In-A-Box is in the same location that Billy Lee's Chinese Restaurant formerly occupied - the increased rents in Chinatown forced a move out to the burbs (north of Walcott St). Finally, the Butcher Shop, one of the first William St tennants in the new revival of Perth's best street, called it a day. That spot is now Witchery for Men, right next door to Perth's first Baby Giordano...

What happened? Well, before we explore that, let me just say, at this point in time, it's unstoppable. Inevitably, Northbridge rents will finally reflect the true value of the area. A small suburb on the CBD's doorstep, full of character architecture and ethnic diversity, it was only a matter of time before daytime Northbridge moved from multicultural independents to multinational franchises.

The Northbridge Link, the project that will finally link the city with Northbridge, was the biggest nail in the coffin. Up until the Link was completed, Northbridge was firmly on the wrong side of the tracks. Now, in 2015, there is a seemless transition from King Street, home of such franchises as Gucci, LV, and Tiffany's, through to Northbridge. Early in 2010, the EPRA was on the verge of opening the first rejuvenated section of William Street, in the vicinity of the Brass Monkey. Rents have been raised by around 100%. Doubled, before the first part of the link has even begun. Some of the tennants that started the whole William Street revival, have already been advised their rents will be increasing by at least 50%.

Back to the present. Ironically, public organisations such as the Perth City Council and the East Perth Redevelopment Authority are doing all of this to increase vibrancy (I know a guy who runs a small website called The Worst of Perth who shits chimpanzees at the very mention of the word "vibrancy"). Well, if vibrancy is government code for "the sandwich queue at Subway has increased by 193%" or "we have observed a 1400% increase in the number of daytime shoppers with Prada handbags", then they're on the right path. Of course, there will also be a corresponding marked decrease in the number of daytime shoppers wearing Ray Bans, cut off skinny jeans and riding fixies. So, it's not all bad.

The worry with Northbridge, is it really is the last good suburb in Perth. Highgate is now done for. Anyone been to the Queens lately? How is it these days? Exactly. Leederville Hotel anyone? Exactly. Flying Scotsman is, well, doing admirably, but, the rest of Mount Lawley is over. Apart from HAL. Ever tried to get a good Asian meal in Mount Lawley? Exactly. Wok-In-The-Motha-Fuckin-Box, or you go hungry. Antonio's rolls? Haven't been back since that lady with the bird-flu decided it was a good idea not only to turn up to work, but to build my chicken schnitzel, Jarlsberg and anti-pasto roll (with added germs for flavour). Tan-po-po? Your rice is lumpy, and you burn through Japanese trainees at a rate of about 200 a year. Something aint right there. The other Japanese place? Dudes from Hong Kong. Beaufort Street Bloggers, you have to get some Malaysian food next time you do a review. Oh wait, there isn't any! Last I heard, those bloggers were re-grouping for an imminent William Street Bloggers re-branding.

Yes, Northbridge changing beyond recognition - its unstoppable. But, just think of a Perth without a Northbridge. Make your own mind up if that's good or bad. The thing is, it will happen. Exit diversity, enter, as they say in Singapore - same same.

Jimmy Tsui's Seven Stars Praying Mantis Kung Fu School. When I go down an alley in a city, this is the type of thing I expect to see. If this alley was cleaned up, it would make a great location for some kind of designer bathroom accessories warehouse. That little cartoon Praying Mantis mascot on their sign just needs a slight modification - perhaps a Praying Mantis in a bath tub, washing his back with an eco-friendly loofa, 3 pairs of Egyptian cotton slippers laid beside, Ralph Lauren white bathrobe ready and waiting.

The picture below is the entrance to my local butcher - Dat Than Butcher. He will never, ever, clean those tags. On a rejuvenated William Street, this would ideally be a Leonards Chicken. Times like these, there needs to be an emoticon that represents shuddering, fear, and gastro-related illness. Closest I could come up with is this one, I call it "man holding in his puke" :-(*)

Its not like Perth has a lack of other areas that are under-utilised, and we just have to rejuvenate Northbridge before we run out of space. The photos below are from the Hay Street Mall. Look up next time you're walking down there, and realise the extent of upstairs empty spaces right in the middle of the city. Seriously, I am going to check out every single abandoned Cinema in Perth one day, there must be a dozen.

Finally, this is right next door to the abandoned Treasury Building. Or is it the Bronx? Of course it isn't, if it was the Bronx it would actually be used for something (hands up who is thinking of crack dens right now).

So. Northbridge - Perth's best suburb. Is it going to change? By how much? Will it suck? Does it suck now?My predictions are right here, add yours to the comments. You can even be anonymous. In the meantime, check out Northbridge, during the day. I recommend that bar where they serve beer in 750ml longneck bottles, and cocktails in old jam-jars. You know the one, right next to the Flight Centre franchise.

Enjoy.

Whitey's Guide to Dim Sum (Yum Char) - Beginner to Pro in 3 Minutes

2010-01-05T13:16:00.008+08:00

Dim Sum is absolutely the breakfast, brunch, or lunch of champions. In a world where Chinese food is now ubiquitous, strangely, a lot of people have not experienced Dim Sum. Reactions from the new players range from "its too slimy, I just don't like the texture" through to, "its too fried and crispy, I just don't like the texture". Uh huh. When you plunge in with a bit of knowledge, or tag along with a Dim Sum regular, the reaction is almost universally similar. A clear sense that you have just discovered a new meal that will stay with you, for life. So, read on, for the Whiteys Guide to Dim Sum - Beginner to Pro in Three Minutes.

First, a quick note about myself. I have partaken in Dim Sum several hundred times, across a half dozen or so different countries. I'm not an expert, more an advanced enthusiast. Although the basics are mastered quickly, the amazing thing is, even after all these occassions, Dim Sum isn't an exact science. There's just too many variables that go into making up the whole experience. Hundreds of dish combinations alone mean that the attraction is as much the familarity, as well as the surprise, every time you go.

Dim Sum is just a term for a tasty type of Chinese meal. Consisting of a wide range of small, or light, dishes, you simply pick and choose what you like,and eat as much or as little as you like. Its an entire meal of entre sized servings. What could be better? Essentially, you will also drink Chinese Tea with the meal. "Yum Char", in Cantonese, literally means "drinking tea", and is a term used to describe the whole experience of enjoying a meal at a Dim Sum restaurant. However, for us whiteys, "Dim Sum" and "Yum Char" are two interchangeable terms. Normally, Dim Sum is eaten anywhere from about 10am through to 3pm, although this may vary. I have experienced 24 hour Dim Sum in Hong Kong, just the ticket after a heavy night of Tsing Tao. Speaking from experience, Dim Sum makes for a great choice after an indulgent night out.

How do you choose a good Dim Sum restaurant? This is easy - use the Whitey Ratio (tm). Head down to your local Chinatown, and pick the busiest Dim Sum restaurant that has the highest proportion of Chinese customers. Simple, and effective. Or, ask one of your Chinese friends for a recommendation. No Chinese friends? Ask Victor Chan in accounts, Ivy Wong in HR, or Gloria Lim down in marketing. Yes, I made all of those names up, but hopefully, you get the point - Chinese people the world over pick the same English names. The other point being, is that Chinese people really dig Dim Sum, and will talk the reg off a chair about their favourite haunt. Word of warning - you specifically need a Dim Sum restaurant. If you walk into a regular Chinese restaurant, you notice that its empty, and one guy says: "HERRO!! - YOU WANT A DIM SUM?", turn around and leave. A proper Dim Sum restaurant doesn't ask if you want Dim Sum.

So far, so good. You know what its about, you know how to choose a restaurant. Next, will be ordering. Simple - trolleys are wheeled around the restaurant, sometimes trays, and they will come to your table, full of small servings of food. Take a look, pick what you want, it will be placed on your table. Depending upon the staff, you will either get the full run-down on each dish, or just the name, or possibly, neither. Sometimes in English, sometimes in Chinese.

What to order? This is where experience helps. As each dish normally has between two and five small servings, always go to Dim Sum with a posse. Between four people, you will end up ordering a dozen or more dishes, so, it won't take long for you to realise the dishes you like, and the ones you're not so big on. You will build your own favourites, your own repertoire. If you like seafood, go for some Prawn Dumplings (Har Gau), or some fried Chilli Squid. Pork eaters, go for pork spare ribs, or any number of the pork dumplings on offer. The selection of dishes can be roughly divided up into steamed, baked, or fried.

The "scarier" dishes, as far as many Whiteys are concered, are of the tripe and chicken feet variety. Don't fear! The flavours and textures of most dishes are very palatable, if you like Chinese food in general, you will be right at home. Note that many dishes have their own accompanying special sauce for dipping. Before you know it, you will be surrounded by bamboo baskets, metal steamers, platters, and a multitude of sauces. The "standard" dipping sauces are chilli or soy sauce, use if you like your food saltier, or spicier. You may need to ask for theses sauces, but every Dim Sum will have them.

As each food item was delivered to you, it is likely that a mark was made on a docket sitting on your table. When you are all done with the meal, take the docket to the counter, and pay up. Pay for everyone at your table, if you can, its the Chinese way. Often, you will see Chinese men fighting at the counter, over who has the privilege of paying for everyone.

I had visited my regular Dim Sum over fifty times before the owner would even give me a porite herro. The day that smug young Chi-nee caught me refusing money from my friends at the counter, I witnessed a smile appear on his face. Before that day, standard service was - "sit over there". Now, when we enter the restaurant, a maelstrom of Chinese waitresses, faces holding panicked expressions, rolls like a snowball towards our table, all under the careful watch of the owner, the second we walk in the door. One crooked chop stick, and they're gone. Hot tea and chilli oil waiting, fresh batch of fried chilli squid on the way. That's the kind of Dim Sum power a whitey who pays for other whiteys holds. I can only dream of the power I would have if I was Chinese. Level 28 Super Yum Char Power, or maybe even higher, I would imagine. Ni-Hao!

Other tips, in no particular order:

* I once read about a teapot that had a computer chip inside. When the pot was empty, a sophisticated wireless high-speed network would alert the kitchen, via a high resolution monitor, precisely which pot on which table need to be refilled. Funny, I always just take the lid off the pot, and place it back on upside down, slightly ajar. My tea is then refilled.

* Sometimes, there are no trolleys or trays. Not as fun, but just order from the menu instead.

* If you know what you want, and can't see it, just ask. Normally, the kitchen will whip it up for you.

* The bill cannot be understood by whiteys. We play "guess the bill amount", using official "The Price is Right" rules. Closest to the bill without going over, wins. If all guesses are over the actual price, you will hear this sound - BA BOWWW - and everyone will then be asked to submit a second guess. If somebody guesses $49, and you then say, "forty nine dollars and ten cents!", well, you're just an a-hole.

* If you can, learn the Chinese names for each dish. Given that most Dim Sum restaurants the world over serve a similar range of dishes, this will come in handy, and will also help you avoid the dreaded "guilo special".

* Venture outside your normal food boundaries. Your grandmother ate tripe, you can too.

* Yes, chicken feet taste fantastic, give it a go.

* Still reading? Bonus tip - there is a variety of sweet dishes on offer as well, mango and coconut balls, baked custard tarts, sponge cake, buns, and more. Leave some room for these!

Enjoy.

Fremantle : Freo's Best Tourist Attraction - South Fremantle Abandoned Power Station Part 2

2009-12-20T20:34:00.017+08:00

Built 1946, abandoned 1985. 34 years of life for a power station seems kind of short. Call this part two, as most of this building has been featured before on 6000times. A trip back down to Fremantle really was worth it just to view the North West section of the structure, which I hadn't previously seen. Yes, Fremantle. Home of John Butler, Luc Longley, and about 24 thousand freaks. Far out man. I haven't seen that many freaks per-capita since my trip up to Two-Rocks, visiting abandoned-Atlantis.

Chatting yesterday with a particularly logical aquaintance of mine, I came to a decision. "From now on, every photo I ever take for the rest of my life will be in black and white". Analytically, he asked "why?", with an intense, Vulcanic raise of his eyebrows. Already doubting my considered decision, I would need to convey my reasoning in the most accurate and succinct way possible. "Because it looks better", I offered. "Yes, you are correct", my nerdy associate replied. Black and white photos, look better. Black and white film, even more so. Impeccable logic. Without pecc, the very best photos of all are black and white, film, and taken with a Leica.

I had planned to write an amusing rant about colour vs black and white, contemplated against the irony of a short-lived coal-fired 1940's Fremantle power station, and its relevance in a post-eco world. However, there are two reasons I won't. First, I've already had 6000times twittered, in a particularly feeble way, as "checked out 6000times, seems like a load of pretentious wank to me". Well, I'm not going to make apologies for those who don't realise the importance of, for example, Iwan Iwanoff's use of concrete block surface/facade articulation, in a raised, 3D relief/tectonic, a volumetric articulation/spatial definition AND ALSO as a screening effect. I mean, come on, I don't think many of the master architects even in Wright's era (well, Wrights pre-Columbian era) have done that! Not to mention Iwanoff's letter box articulation is a clever abstract interpretation of meso-american bass relief figureheads. Some people just don't get it. Secondly, I have just had a call, my mates are at the pub, and its sunny outside.

So, in summary, yada yada, got lost in the tunnels at the power station, a murder site, once again, my girlfriend wouldn't come inside the festering, dank, dark, tunnels, blah blah, plenty of graffiti, and when I called out "I'M FUCKING SERIOUS THIS TIME, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA HOW TO GET THE FUCK BACK TO THE OUTSIDE FROM IN HERE", I heard something about, "I'll visit you on your birthday, hurry up, its 37 degrees out here you've been in there for hours".

Enjoy, South Fremantle Power Station in glorious colour. Now, beer.

(PS, here is the link to PART ONE )

Perth : Abandoned Old Treasury Building, St Georges Terrace - Photo Tour

2009-11-15T23:56:00.010+08:00

Old Treasury Building, Perth. Built 1874. Abandoned, finally, in 1996. Perth's first ever Government office complex. Victorian Second Empire and Federation Free Classical style, designed by state governement architects GT Poole and RR Jewell. Over the last decade or so, the building has been left derelict. Amazing design, ground zero location. When distances are measured from Perth to anywhere, this is the starting point they are measured from. Perth to Hong Kong - 6012 km's (the official Hong Kong marker being Larry Wong's Chinese Laundry and Dry Cleaning, on Wan Chai Road). At this time, it is looking likely that the old treasury building will be transformed into a new five star hotel. For now, it remains empty. Enjoy the (extensive) set of photos of perhaps Perth's finest abandoned building - Ye Remarkable Old Abandoned Perth Treasury Building.

Perth : No Place for Metrosexuals

2009-11-13T20:30:00.025+08:00

I was just reading about Dorcia Fridays "no metrosexual attire" policy. Amusing for sure, and I see where they are coming from, but it does put the promoters into the same class as every other night club with a dress code. Dress codes are a remnant from the 1980's. Bunbury has dress codes. Kalgoorlie has dress codes. Rockingham has dress codes. Night clubs that have dress codes, are, usually, full of douche bags.

My generic clubbing days are behind me. I will still hit the occasional club, normally as one of a small handful of grandpa's (over 30's) who are there to see a specific artist. Fortunately for me, the entire world seems to be stuck somewhere between 1985 and 1995, meaning there is a steady roster of international acts that I am interested in catching. Watching Nas recently, a young guy standing next to me, seeing me sing along, asked "do you know these guys?". Nas's first guest appearance on wax happened 18 years ago, and this guy looked about 20....

I may have digressed. In any case, last night, another appearance was in order. Rahzel, the worlds best human beat-boxer, was in town. Rahzel, as expected, was amazing. I didn't take any photos. That, finally, brings me to the video above. Shot with my camera phone, the star is the guy in the white shirt - one of the bouncers. As I stood outside, having a cigarette, the free entertainment was watching one drunken metro tirelessly give shit to the bouncers (he had the gray pointy leather shoes on, the whole bit). He'd been ejected, and by the state, and attitude, of this guy - it was probably a fair cop. He should have got in a taxi and gone home (the bouncer offered to call him one). After mouthing off for what was entirely too long, he finally charged, running in and swinging at a bouncer. For no reason at all he escalated the situation. Except, I guess, to uphold his metro douche reputation. The video results are blurry, but plain to see. Quite a few punches landed. He wasn't moving, but was breathing. Was he a threat to the bouncers? Not really.

There are plenty of conclusions I could make at this point, however, I won't. I would encourage comments, and forwarding of a link to this page. If anyone asks, I didn't see nuthin'. Remember, this could happen to anyone, if you leave the safe confines of Northbridge and enter the dark and violent realms of suburbia - be warned.

Perth : Skyscrapers, Abandoned Railway Tunnel, Iwan Iwanoff Update

2009-11-09T00:20:00.009+08:00

Perth remains a construction site. The view is changing every day. 140 William is looking amazing, I am looking forward to the street level connections. This city is adding buildings at a faster rate than ever before. In the burbs, at ground level, a small Iwan Iwanoff update. Golovin House, 1959, has had a 2009 makeover, and is looking more and more like my lotto dream every day.

For those not familiar with Iwanoff's exceptional body of work, click the Iwan Iwanoff tag for more blog entries.

Bishops See, with Harry Seidler's QV1, and Woodside Plaza in the reflection. One of the best towers to be recently completed in Perth. Imposing beyond its modest height.

Art Deco on Sherwood. Lawson Apartments. Formerly Lawson Flats.

Westpac, mid face-lift. St Martins Tower, 1978, background.

The intersection below is looking very modern, very Perth. Left to right: QV1 (1991), Woodside Plaza (2003), Governer Stirling Tower (1978), and Bishops See (2008). Spanning thirty years of design, the four towers here compliment one another well.

Photo's from John Forrest National park.

Woodside Plaza foreground, Bishops See background.

QV1, Harry Seidler, as viewed from the North. Melbourne Hotel in the foreground. Previously mentioned on this blog as former home to "The Firm".

Exchange Plaza, Peddle Thorp, and Walker, 1992.

William Street, Northbridge.Welcome Inn Tea House, vintage V8 Ford Fairlane in foreground.

William Street, Northbridge. Kangaroo Chicken.

Abandoned railway tunnel in John Forrest National Park, constructed in 1895.

Perth - Is It Time Yet?

2009-11-04T00:16:00.012+08:00

Perth has given me a strange feeling lately. Its telling me - move on. Weird, because I love this city. I feel at home here. I'm always busy. Checked out Martin's "Territory Twelve" exhibition at Kurb Gallery, fantastic. Checked out Ben and Si's as well, at Turner - amazing. I watched the Pyrophone Juggernaut at the Northbridge Piazza opening, a musical instrument spewing fire-balls and beats into the warm Perth air. Went to see the huge travelling jade Buddha at the museum, very peaceful. Had a bunch of friends around for a pretty typical Perth night-in - beer, cocktails, and pizzas. A random lady pulled her pants down and urinated at my front gate, but thats just part of living in the city (I tried to get a photo for this blog, but wasn't quick enough). The one night boredom came to town last week, I roamed the city late at night taking most of the photos on this page.

I know its time to travel. I know it. How does anyone know when its time to travel? If you're wondering if it's time, and you have some cash to do it, its time. Fortunately, I learnt that early in life. A few years back, stuck in a pretty average job, I watched as Federal Police rummaged through my desk. They were looking for any evidence of tax evasion. Not me, the company I was working for. It was one of those slow motion moments in life. All the time, I was thinking, "what the fuck am I doing here". I talked about it that day to Joe, the "older" guy in the office (he must have been 35). The conversation ended with him saying "what the fuck are you doing here". I quit that day, flew to Los Angeles, and drove (the long way) to New York to visit my Architect mate.

Joe isn't around anymore. Last I heard, he was selling PC's in Victoria Park. At the moment, I have a pretty good job, but, thats not really an issue. If you're white, male, have no obvious deformities, and were born in Perth, you won first prize in the Welcome to The Easy Life Sweepstakes. That's another lesson in life I learnt early on. Jobs are easy to find. In any case, its time. I'm not talking about a quick jaunt to South East Asia. Really, its time for adventure. If you decided to buy a one-way ticket off this island, to anywhere, and just kept going, where would you end up?

It must be amazing to travel for an extended amount of time. Not moving to another country for your career prospects. Not travelling for a few months. A true journey, with no time-limits, and no destination. Where the customary time limits of a day would have no relevance. Wake up early. Sleep in. Have an early night. Stay up until dawn. Every morning, of every day, you only need to decide one thing - what do I want to do today?

This isn't a lotto dream. That would complicate things. It needs to be pure. Just travel. No shopping. Sight seeing is fine, so is doing nothing all day. I'm sure this topic will be explored again soon, but in the meantime, I need some sleep - tomorrow is a work day. Enjoy the photos.

Oh yeah, she's coming with me.

Hong Kong - Food, People, Buildings, and Yellow Fever

2009-10-29T23:40:00.005+08:00

Hong Kong Part Two - the final chapter. With a few photos left over from a recent Hong Kong trip, there is no reason not to show a few more. I will kick off with a revelation. The guy above gave my girlfriend yellow fever. We crossed paths in Sham Shui Po, a fairly typical Hong Kong neighbourhood. Locals know it as a cheap district to get electronic goods. To me, it's the place where I recognised that females get yellow fever, just as bad as males. Clearly, he's a movie-star. The film crew were onto it, location wise - Sham Shui Po is visually one of the most amazing city areas I have ever seen. The urban decay is well progressed. Many buildings now have illegal "shacks" built on the roofs. A prevailing sense of controlled anarchy left me with a strangely comforting feeling.

Nearby, the district of Tsim Sha Tsui sits on the Kowloon peninsular, bordering Victoria Harbour, pointing towards Hong Kong island. Chunking Mansions, pictured below, is an enigma in this other-wise modern, busy, and developed part of Hong Kong. Built in the 1960's, this building is estimated to be home to more than 4000 people, from over 120 nationalities. This is true multi-culturalism. Chunking is also known as a hot-bed of drug dealers, illegal immigrants, and scammers. The only thing you should buy from here is an Indian curry. People live here, there is every type of business imaginable, and backpackers, new immigrants, and cheapskates jam 2000 guest rooms. They're the cheapest beds in Hong Kong. But, when you stay in a tower with few lifts, and over 4000 people, if a fire breaks out, you're screwed. There are over 900 individual owners of properties within the Mansions, meaning to get anything done in a uniform way is pretty much impossible. Wandering through the hallways, I noticed electricity and commuications wiring haphazadly strung up from one apartment to the next. The upper levels is where it all goes down, as by the time Police get up there, the culprits have packed up and moved on. This place is pretty much out of control.

However, the Tsim Sha Tsui area is one of the most convenient and interesting locations to stay when in Hong Kong. Wherever you are standing, there is a subway station nearby...and the Hong Kong subway system is the most impressive public transport system on earth. Cheap, fast, accessible. TST is also home to the famous and well used Star Ferry Terminal. For about 30 cents (AUD), jump on the top deck, sit on the left side, and enjoy the best value ferry ride available anywhere.

On Hong Kong island proper, the waterfront areas are glitzy, modern, and, to use a local expression, developed out the yin yang. There is literally thousands of skyscrapers. The negatives include the terrible whitey ratio of areas like Mid Levels and Soho. However, the food is amazing here, as in other areas of Hong Kong. We stumbled across a restuarant that was essentially like sitting inside a butcher shop. Anthony Bourdain also ate here, and said of the pork "this is as close to God as you're going to get... Pork is a beautiful thing, and this is the best I have ever had, anywhere in the world." Really, Hong Kong is an amazing city. The photos below were all taken on the island itself, and will be the last in the Hong Kong series. Enjoy.

Perth - Nasty Nas Spotted on Aberdeen St, Construction Update, more CBD Laneways

2009-10-26T00:34:00.010+08:00

The rise of Northbridge, Perth's best suburb, continues. Not too many places in the world you can enjoy a bowl of chilli mussels, and watch american lyricist and actor, Nas. Having been a fan of Nas since his Live at the BBQ days, it was always my dream to sit in an Italian restaurant on Aberdeen Street, eat chilli mussels, and watch a delivery of raw poetry from one of the most intelligent and influential hip hop artists of all time.

Obligatory backstage "heavy" was in attendance, from Queensbridge to Northbridge. With Central Park in the background, is this coincidence, or destiny? The photo below was taken right from the table. The live band bought the funk. Nas, well, when he was twelve, he went to hell for snuffin Jesus. Dream complete.

Meanwhile, on the good side of the tracks, construction is progressing on three of Perth's new buildings. Raine Square (Bankwest House), due for completion early next year, is nearing its planned height of 106 metres.

140 William, the best looking building to go up in Perth since the dark and sinister Bishops See, is also not far from topping out. Geometry, glass louvres, and laser cut mesh. Looking incredible already.

Together, these buildings are changing the face of the city, particularly from the North. William Street, Perth's best street, now has an amazing CBD entry statement. Of course, the BHP tower, currently up to about level 16, is the largest of all projects currently underway. Skyline disrupter in progress.

At ground level, there are still plenty of great laneways, each one slowly sprouting a small bar. It's currently tipping point in small-bar-land. Right now, there are enough to suit nearly anyones taste or budget. With more small bars infiltrating lane-ways soon, the amount of Perth people using "Melbourne" in a sentence has also reached tipping point.

A quick note about the change of name for this site. Simply, its easier to remember www.6000times.com, than the old address. Perth6000.com was taken, so, well, 6000times.com, there you have it. Any comments, fire away...and please, excuse my lack of Asian innuendo this week. I do have one more Hong Kong post to come, where we all discover that yellow fever is not a strictly male phenomenon. Stay tuned..

Enjoy.

(ps, perth6000.blogspot.com will continue to redirect you to the new address)

Singapore - Perth's Asian Cousin

2009-10-19T23:42:00.012+08:00

Singapore. Imagine your straight-laced uncle. He gets married to a hooker, and has two kids. One kid is a total career minded overachiever - respectful of authority, wants to settle down and raise a family, and has been brainwashed since birth that spending 80 hours a week for 27 years just to get to assistant manager is a good thing. The other kid is a dirty, alcoholic, artist who can cook like a demon. At the moment, the nerd is getting all the attention. But, that kid, that dirty, alcoholic, artist, is the real future of the Singapore family. What makes the whole thing work, is the entire family gets along fine. Both kids wear thick glasses, take photos, enjoy chicken rice, fish head curry, and bak kwa. That, is Singapore. The whitest of all Asian cities

Singapore has a food scene that ranks amongs the worlds best. Architecturally, new projects in Singapore are big and bold. The city streets are busy day and night, with people eating, shopping, and drinking, in an almost crime-free environment.

The subway system is efficient, and will get you around the city and outskirts fast, and cheap. Singapore is compact enough to do a lot of walking around, but with stifling humidity (by gweilo standards), and many interesting inner city areas, the subway is a great mode of transportation.

Food Centers (hawker style) are everywhere, and offer hundreds of different dishes. Often, Beer is available, and its consumption is encouraged. Smoking, no problem. Closing time? Sometimes never. There are also thousands of traditional stand-alone restaurants to choose from, representing food from around the world.

Architecturally, Singapore is undergoing a boom. The soon to be completed Marina Bay Sands, is an 8 Billion (SGD) city development featuring three 55 story towers, all interconnected by a one hectare out-door sky garden on the roof. In the photo below, you can also spot construction of the worlds first "DNA", or double helix, bridge. It will be 280 metres long, and cost 68 million dollars (SGD). The photo below also sports a floating soccer field, and a Formula One Grand Prix circuit. Yes - buck, wild.

Don't take my word for it, visit for yourself. From Perth, the only other place you could fly to cheaper is Adelaide. Its going to be hard to not make a joke at this point. So, without further ado, here is a shit-load of photos taken in Singapore over the last couple of weeks. Enjoy.

Part two in series of three. Part one can be seen on The Worst of Perth....

This post is dedicated to Sanj.

Hong Kong - Tales From the Far East

2009-10-12T21:58:00.029+08:00

On the vibrancy scale, Hong Kong makes most large international cities feel like Bunbury (bumfuck, nowhere). I just spent a few weeks in the far east. I'm not new to that part of the world, having visited multiple times before. As I stated in my last post, Asians + skateboarders + graffiti writers = vibrancy. Hong Kong has plenty of all three.

Over a thousand photos taken, and randomly, this is the one that shows up first. Homeless man asleep at the pier, with a nice bit of art from a NYC guy who's name escapes me at the moment. This photo isn't juxtaposition, or commentary. Its real life. I did wake him up, to pay him some cash for modelling for me. He was very happy, and I had perhaps my happiest moment this year, seeing the look on his face.

I was drunk when I took this next one, and I swore to my co-traveller "this will win me a fucking Pulitzer". He promptly informed me "I'm pretty sure that's a prize for journalism". A picture tells a thousand words, dude. Man eating noodles, Kowloon alley.

Asians have really bad eye-sight. Everybody wears glasses. Everybody. Takeaway restaurant, Tsim Sha Tsui, Kowloon.

Hong Kong literally has thousands of skyscrapers. This is currently the tallest, Two International Finance Centre, at 415 metres tall.

With all the amazing food available, the only use for a McDonalds is the public toilet. Even when they offer a Double Pork McSpicy burger, or something like that.

The Mongkok Bird Park is where old Chinese men take their pet birds to hang out with other pet birds. You can purchase live insects for the bird to munch on, sit him next to other birds for a chat about HK city life, or just allow the bird to chip away at the guilos (white ghosts) cameras. Its all good, bird.

Its hard to describe just how good Mongkok is. Often described as the densest part of HongKong, it is actually on the main land, not Hong Kong island. It is possibly my favourite suburb on earth. Containing the famous "sneaker street", "bird street", "fish street" and my favourite - "ladies street", Mongkok is Hong Kong's premier destination in my opinion.

The thing about Hong Kong crowds, is that nobody ever says sorry for bumping into you. Whats the point? Typical Mongkok crowded street. Great whitey ratio! (®).

So, what can Perth learn from Hong Kong? Here's a start: a lot. I'll try to bring some sense to this in the next few posts. For now, I need to recover.

Perth - Winter, Heritage, Nightclubs, Skateboarders, Graffiti Writers, and Asians.

2009-09-21T21:56:00.016+08:00

Perth is currently in an eternal winter. Now I know what English summers feel like. Terrible. The leaves on that tree may never grow back.

Should it be heritage listed? No, not the Perth Entertainment Centre. The sea container combined with the Today Tonight billboard. The PEC has to go, sooner or later. I like the PEC. However, the huge shed sits on the prime real-estate of the soon-to-be Northbridge Link project (soon-to-be as in probably never). Personally, I believe the PEC has huge cultural significance. Twenty years ago today, it was the spot where I got angry at a movie for the first time, watching Spike Lee's Do The Right Thing. Even then, the PEC's Lumiere cinema seemed like a run-down cinema. But it will be a sad day when the most perfect commentary of all - "FEDUP" written below the Today Tonight billboard, finally disappears. Thanks FDP crew, for providing an intelligent piece of public art, at no cost to the rate-payer.

Since its been raining, a lot, its time to reminisce about the Perth of old. Seems like a bit of a cop-out, but fuck it, I haven't taken many photos lately.

The Underground was the best night club I ever went to in Perth. Three levels, a run-down federation building, and a train carriage. Drink specials, free entry. These days, its a back-packers hostel.

Many people don't know that Tony Hawk, professional skateboarder, would frequent Karrinyup shopping centre. Yes, THE Karrinyup Shopping Centre. Yes, that really is Tony Hawk. This was shot around 87 or 88. Yes, it was a really shitty camera.

The Firm was a great establishment. Now its the Old Melbourne Hotel. Back then, it was the OLD Melbourne Hotel. The nightclub was upstairs, and the floor would genuinely bounce. Structurally, that place was a nightmare back then. People would try and make the floor collapse. Fortunately, everybody was too drunk/high to really care. Like The Underground, it was a very popular place.

Even in Osborne Park, skateboarding was huge. This was taken around 1990, at the rear of a surf store that no longer exists, on Scarborough Beach Road. Chris Miller, and Natas Kaupus, are in this photo, somewhere!

These days, the Perth City Council feels a need to inject "vibrancy" into the CBD. The solution? Spend tens of thousands of dollars on a jazz band and a tent in Forrest Place. Back in the early 90's, there was a cheaper, easier, more effective solution - just allow visiting professional skateboarder John Cardiel, and a few locals, to run riot.

Is there a point to all this? Maybe. Skateboarders, Graffiti writers, and of course Asians, are the signs of future vibrancy. All three cultures utlilise sections of the CBD for their own enjoyment long before the masses cotton on. Long before there were bars in Howard Lane, there were skateboarders and Graffiti Writers in Howard Lane. Head into the CBD on any weeknight, and observe - Asians. You get the point.

These cultures are the future of our city, and I for one, like that future. If you don't know, now you know.

Perth - Atlantis Abandoned Marine Park, and Iwan Iwanoff Again

2009-09-09T15:05:00.025+08:00

Atlantis Marine Park. Or was it Atlantis Sun City? In any case, this was Perth 80's theme-parkery at its finest. Constructed in 1981, at Yanchep (just past the other side of Walcott Street) it has been abandoned for the last 19 years. Sadly, in 1990, the entire troupe of dolphin trainers disappeared without a trace, leading to the financial collapse of the theme park. King Neptune still keeps an eye towards the unique town centre of Two Rocks. Around the grounds you will see tunnels, bridges, exotic fauna, weathered statues, and locals taking the dogs for a walk. Big dogs.

However, just north of Atlantis (Guilderton) - is this another Iwan Iwanoff house? The proportions and lines are right for a late 50's early 60's piece. Their are obvious signs of renovation, such as the windows. But, there is something quite special about the elevation. Sitting literally on the edge of the ocean, looking great on a stormy afternoon.Confirmation on this one would be good... UPDATE - Yes, this is The White House, an Iwanoff from 1967.

The thing you notice, wandering around Atlantis, is the amount of tropical plants you don't normally see on any other Perth beaches. Combined with two decades of overgrowth, this may just be the best looking beach-side landscape in Perth.

The locals have a great local park, I'm jealous. Although, for the mall rats I saw hanging outside the shopping centre, a jerry-can and box of fire starters would probably hold more interest than strolling though this idyllic reserve.

As with Bell Biv DeVoe, Bette Midler, and UB40 - 1990 was the last year that people, the world over, would pay money to enjoy - Atlantis Sun City Marine Park.

Perth - Abandoned Hopsital - Menora - Oy Vey!

2009-08-23T13:14:00.016+08:00

Maybe, there's been a bit too much emphasis on Perth's abandoned schools, TAFE colleges, hospitals, warehouses, hotel/motels, power stations, and federation era buildings lately on this blog. Maybe not - abandoned buildings are just SO good.

In any case, the latest installment here is an entire abandoned hospital, located in Menora - Perth's Jewish heartland, and suburb of death. Surrounding the hospital are blocks and blocks of apartments and small villas. Formerly a retirement village, the whole area is now in the process of demolishment. These photos were taken literally moments before the demolition crew got to work.

As far as architecture goes, I did take a drive to Guilderton yesterday, to take photos of a suspected Iwan Iwanoff beach-side house. These stylish chairs would have looked perfectly at home on the front deck, overlooking the ocean.

As with the Abandoned Campus of Death, it was like the old Jewish folks just got up and left. Plenty of paper work and hospital records remained. I was told by the helpful demolition artists that their first job was to securely destroy all paperwork.

Mornin' Ralph. Hello Sam.

Plenty of dark hall ways to explore.

Not too much in the way of graffiti, this place was very abandoned.

Plenty of equipment remained (now gone). Beds, TV's, machinery, ovens, and most remarkable of all, in this Jewish wasteland - a cash register.

You vant I should clean the floor? Oy Vey!

The organ was cool, as were the anodised 1950's bedside lamps.

Just think of the meals that would have been served under these lids. Matzah Ball soup and bagels spring to mind. According to the IFOCE (International Federation of Competitive Eating), Joey Chestnut holds the record for eating Matzah Balls. 78 in 8 minutes. Nice job, Joey Chestnut.

Oh yeah, the black and white thing? Well, the place looked so much nicer in B&W. Rat-bait is green, blood is red, and well, lets just leave it at that.

Perth - Abandoned Hopsital of Doom in the Jewish Suburb of Death (teaser)

2009-08-17T20:24:00.009+08:00

In a wealthy Perth inner city suburb, full of herculoidian Iwan Iwanoff houses, lays the abandoned Hospital of Doom. The year, was, 24th of November, 1995. Three billion human lives ended on that day. The survivors of the nuclear fire called that day, Judgement Day. They lived only to face a new nightmare, the war against - the Machines.

The halls echoed with ghostly voices - "I need your clothes, your motorcycle, and your wallet".

You think you're alive and safe, but you're already dead! Everybody! You, him, everybody...you're all fucking dead. You're the one living in a dream, Silberman, not me! Because I know it happens! IT HAPPENS!

More on Perth's abandoned Hospital of Doom in the Jewish Suburb of Death, soon.

Perth - More Laneways, and "Craning" its the Latest Craze for Perth's Impetuous Youth.

2009-08-11T21:50:00.018+08:00

Take a look at the next two photos. What do they have in common? When I received this in my email, my first reaction was "are you shitting me?". The top photo was taken by a regular visitor to this site, I'm sure he will comment below. Whatup, V!

Totally inspiring. The cranes below are known amongst craners as the "Four Kings". Similar to the drive of a mountain climber, Perth's "craners" just want to bag another summit. V has done them all. Whilst I can't condone this behaviour, I can't also not not condone this behaviour. That should get me off the legal hook. One more thing, before we move on, I would not not like to see any copy-cat photos emailed to me. I mean, I really, really, would not not hate to see people doing this sort of stuff on a regular basis. Just don't not do it!

For those that need clarification, yes, the first photo was taken from one of the cranes in the second photo. The photo matter *is* one of the cranes in the second photo.

Back to Perth's lane-ways. I prefer to call them alley-ways, it sounds dirtier. Another great CBD location. The following four photos are all from the same alley, it is seriously in the absolute middle of the CBD. The potential of all of these locations is astounding. M-ust---re-sist--com-par--is---on--to-MEL---BOURNE!!!

Also, I recommend not not sitting down in the peace and quiet of that space, and not not enjoying a nice alcoholic beverage.

One more from Condor Car Park, word is that some residents have actually moved in.

Harry Seidler's QV1 doesn't really fit in to this post. But, fuck it, its the best tower in Perth, and looks at its best at night, in winter. The sun has gone down, the office lights are on, and the busy little workers are still pumping out memos, papers, and tps reports, instead of, well, something better.

For the outsiders (people from overseas or interstate, and people north of Walcott St), the last photo shows an insight into the business premises slightly north of the CBD. Not much to be said, it just looks great at night. The trading hours of this den of iniquity are an example to service providers everywhere. For the locals, keep Pier St in mind next time you are looking for a late-night ATM - trust me, its the only one in this neighbourhood.

Iwan Iwanoff, Artist - Three More of Perths Best Houses, plus, Amok and Abandoned in Northbridge

2009-08-02T18:22:00.014+08:00

Iwan Iwanoff was prolific. Lucky Perth. This modernist piece is located in the inner-city garden suburb of Coolbinia. Perths Best Architecture has covered this one recently, if you haven't checked the site, you should. Over there, its all about architecture. Over here, well, just look at the "labels" list for this blog. This may be the Flaumen residence, 1965. Sources sketchy on that one.

This is purely for juxtapositional purposes. Northbridge delivery truck.

Now this one, kills two birds with one stone. There's a nice flow from the last photo, and Harry Seidlers QV1 in the background will take me from this tangent, and back to another Iwanoff.

We're back. Yes. Another Iwanoff residence. I found out about this one, from an anonymous comment left here. Thanks, Anonymous person. Dalkeith Iwanoff. Year and name, unknown to me. Probably mid 60's. However, it should be said that these houses hurt me. Really, it actually hurts.

As my colleague said today "what the fuck do you think the posty said when he came across this for the first time?". The art of the letter box. Iwanoff was clearly as much artist as architect.

Back in the epicentre of Iwanoff terriory - Dianella. AKA Iwanella, home to many, many Iwanoffs, such as the utterly spectacular Masala House. The Feldman House, 1968, predated Masala by 6 years. Great detail, as usual, starting with the letter box, and finishing off with a good dash of Mike Brady. Fantastic.

Winter in Perth.

So, there we have it. Three more Iwanoff buildings, taking the total on this site, to twenty five. Very prolific! I'm sure there are more Iwanoff's to come. (wink).

In the meantime, it could have been another abandoned building post, but really, it was sunny outside, so I stopped right here. William St, Northbridge.

Just across the street was much better. Dutch artist Amok, from Amsterdam, home of, well, everything good, has been busy with the locals. His international flavor on William St, Northbridge, adds nicely to the pallet already on offer. Thanks Amok, thanks locals. Panoramic picture, click for the full version.

Perth's Best Art Gallery - Condor Carpark

2009-07-20T20:50:00.013+08:00

First, a little history on the "Condor" tower. The St Georges Terrace apartments are built on the site of a former office building. Unfortunately, for the tenants-to-be, some have been waiting since 2003 to take ownership of their new abodes. Unfortunately, the lobby appears to have been designed by either Crocket, or Tubs. Probably Crocket. Unfortunately, the copper clad front door is easily the worst looking thing on the Terrace (why do I feel a need to insert a Patty Chong joke here, this isn't theworstofperth.com).

Importantly, when the building finally opens, it will help solve the residential crisis in the Perth CBD. We have a serious lack of CBD residents. That, is a more serious a problem than the annual pre new-years drug shortage, and the lack of a Jamaican jerk restaurant anywhere in the metro area, combined.

Fortunately for the new owners, the car park has been given the full treatment. This is currently the best permanent display of artwork in Perth. Saturday night (July 25th 2009), it will be open to the public. I would link the Facebook invite, but seriously, fuck Facebook.

Enjoy the carpark, and think of the residents who, sadly at this point in time - can't.

Stormie, you are dark and mysterious. No you're not. But you do paint very well.

There really is a LOT of coverage down here. The car park is about 6 or 7 split levels.

Amongst the hundreds of artworks on display, I enjoyed these trucks the most.

Ironlak. Its aussie for paint.

Background piece incorporating the lift button and display.

Is it just me, or does everybody love Kate Moss.

I watched the artist finishing this picture the day before, he was *censored* a nice *censored* as he painted. He kept looking around, as I admired his work. I'm sure he thought I was not in approval of his *censored*. Sure, I've *censored* a *censored* or two. You know, a *censored*. But I never forget what Harry J Ainslinger, America's first drug Czar, had to say on the matter: "You a *censored* a *censored*, and you're likely to kill your brother". Uh-huh.

Dogs, parachutes, and umbilical cords. Sweet.

I enjoyed this dark and raw corner of sub-basement six, as-is.

Trevor, you are officially the most covered artist in my blog.

Does this beast have two brains? If so, cool. If not, that's messed up.

This really is an amazing car park. I commend everyone involved. As far as the artists go, I would be more than happy to edit this post to give credit to those where its due. Comment away.

I should mention, this building is the one with the enormous green stripe visible from the North of the city. Go down, take a look around, and think of the poor future residents. This time next year, they may actually be moving in.

Perth CBD Alleyways - Part One - Baby I Like It Raw

2009-07-12T23:22:00.003+08:00

Perth has an abundance of ready-to-use alleyways throughout the CBD. These laneways are the lifeblood of the city. Attracting skateboarders, drug users, fashion models, and Asian photographers, they already have the exact clientele any world class CBD yearns for. The gentrified laneways, such as Wolf, Munster, and Shafto lanes, were a good start. However, it's the location, rawness, and aesthetics of the central CBD laneways which will ultimately feed Perth's embryonic claim to realness.

All of the photos were taken in the Perth CBD, today.

Above and below: this is my favourite door treatment.

Six Zero Two Five once again visits Six Zero Zero Zero...

The hard work in this alley, by the talented designers, deserves another photo.

Alcohol and alleyways - just as nature intended...

Even lawyers are in the lanes. Asahi goes great with seafood.

I heard it was twenty bucks a scallop at Andaluz. When you work upstairs and charge like these lawyers do, thats recouped with a 3 minute phonecall and a couple of photocopy charges.

Kangaroo? Llama?

If somebody makes reference to Melbourne when talking about Perth's laneways, you should punch them in the nose. If anyone refers to alleyways as "hidden", just remember, they're probably from the western suburbs and don't get further east than Subiaco very often. Melbourne is not the only city on earth with activated laneways, and Perth's laneways are not "hidden" - most of them connect to the busiest streets in the city.

Without any hesitation, I can say that sooner or later there will be a "Perth Alleyways - Part Two" post. Even Jan Gehl (who, by the way, would totally beat that wimp Charles Landry in a fight) recognises that the utilisation of Perth's laneways is an essential piece in the "how to make Perth more vibrant" game. Personally, I think they are amongst the best parts of any city.

Perth in 3D - Rooftop Views - Northbridge Link

2009-07-05T14:25:00.002+08:00

If there's one thing that beats an abandoned building, its a rooftop. Perth put on a trademark winter sunset on Friday evening. Fortunately, that was the day after I had figured out how to get onto the roof of a Perth tower. From this angle, it is clear that Perth is finally moving away from the St Georges Terrace 2D spine, and into the realms of 3D. William St is at the forefront of this expansion North.

The train-line is a harsh divider, limiting not only the expansion of the city core North (towards the right in this photo), but also restricting the movement of people, the lifeblood of the city. Do humans respond to the topological aesthetics of a skyline? Strangely enough, much like a tropical rain-forest, once the city canopy extends above, life will naturally follow and grow below. The Northbridge Link plants the seeds for the extension of our CBD forest.

If you want to see the real version of the photo below, click this link.